Please Invite Me...

How can I be so nervous about my friendships? I shouldn't be, but I am so incredibly afraid of being alone again, and with work consuming my schedule I feel like I'm putting myself at risk. With every passing moment I worry that I am missing out or being forgotten. How do I tame these irrational fears?

Working Girl

I have been working like crazy the last couple weeks, I'm sure it will be worth it in the end, but next Summer I'm going to try to find work that's a little more consistent. I'm happy to not be idle, however it seems like I spend half my time doing nothing and as soon as I have to work I am invited to socialize with friends.
Something I've come to miss about school is the fact that you never have to be alone. There is always someone in your dorm who you can stop by and visit when you're feeling especially bored. I often wish I had that here.
Tomorrow's my day off, unless of course John (the real estate agent I work for) asks me to come help him with something. And even on my day off I still have rehearsals, not that I'm complaining, I am so glad to be in a show. But my first monologue is really kicking me in the zipper. I have it memorized and all that jazz, but I'm still not impressing the director... or myself. I shall keep working at it.

Hello? This is Me!

I spent my entire day at ease. I wore one of my favorite dresses and I twirled around my house. I amused myself with old episodes of Sex in the City, and thought look how glamorous being single can be. So I am content. And my happiness is beautiful; I can see it shining back at me in the mirror.

Family

I can't think of anything more important. I am so incredibly blessed.

When your new boss says...

You are perfect.
You dress so professionally, and show up on time.
And you speak so well.
I am so looking forward to working with you!

Okay... maybe I'm bragging a little... but I totally nailed my interview!

:-)

The post I alomst posted

It was right there.
Steady lines of thought, letters molded to form words.
I could have clicked PUBLISH POST.
But this is me-- strong, independent.
This me doesn't divulge her pathetic sadness, no longer worth having, expired like the milk in her fridge.
I don't do such things anymore.
I censor myself, or try to.
It's not attractive to dote on silly things, confidence is key.
And I want so badly to be confident.
To enjoy this summer, and this new me.
The me who thinks before she speaks, and pauses before she posts.

I am so looking forward to tomorrow, but for now I am going crazy. I spent the whole morning stressing over my seemingly impossible Physics exam, which I believe I passed, sigh, I could take a deep breath. I came back to my room to realize that I had an overwhelming amount of packing to do, so I did it. Three or four hours later nearly everything I call my own was packed into the back of my van. I could breathe again. But not for long because I soon succumbed to the fact that I needed to prepare myself for a Phonetics exam taking place at ten in the morning tomorrow. Dammit. So I spent the last couple hours reviewing notes and testing myself, and here I am. My brain is fried, I can't feel my legs (from many trips up and down the stairs lugging hefty boxes and bags full of crap), and I am utterly exhausted. But it's not over. I still have to finish studying, and I have agreed to venture down to the dining hall for a midnight buffet, only because it is my last night and I want to make the most of my time with my friends here, particularly because, as hard as it is to say, I may never see Amber again. So please add emotional exhaustion to my list of ailments.
I just want to be home with my mom and dad, Sarah, Laura, and all of the comforts of home and Holden.

End of the Year

Summer is almost here.
Laura is home.
I have two job interviews in the next week (eek).
A new project gleams on the horizon.
Two more finals.
One more paper.
Free lunch tomorrow to make up for all my hard work.
Can't wait to be home.
Feeling lonely.
But, feeling loved.
I think I'm as content as I could be right now.
Looking forward to school next year.
There's a lot of anticipation.
I can't wait to enjoy the present again.
Ironic?
I guess that's what the end of things does to you.