Be careful what you wish for...

There is a dark mark on my facebook home page. Every time I scroll down my news feed there it is, sitting perked up, hoping for a response, staring at me. I get shivers.

It should cause butterflies and smiles.
Instead I am instilled with fear and nervous energy.

Matt poked you.

I wish he hadn't. I wasn't trying to lead him on... okay maybe I was.... but now I don't want to hurt him.

Oy Vey.

Master Builders

Sometimes we build walls around ourselves, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

- Unknown

Have You Seen This Bus Stop?

Such an interesting weekend!

So Friday was my birthday party. Nothing too scandalous happened haha :-) Most people who said they were coming didn't show up, but in the end that was okay because everything was kept under control and my room didn't get trashed. I got gifts from Jessie and Curtis which I hadn't been expecting, so that was a really big positive and Jess even got me a cake. I was really glad that I decided to have a little party for myself because in the end it made a birthday that probably wouldn't be too significant really special.

In other news there has been an interesting development in my life.

Saturday morning Jess, Sasha and I were taking a bus to see Sam's play at Moho- by the way she did a great job as usual- and we saw a poster. It's a little hard to visualize but basically there was a picture of the bus stop we were standing at and it said "Have You Seen This Bus Stop, If So Call/ Text This Number" So Sasha decided that we should.

What followed was a back and forth of witty banter between me and the poster boy who's name is Matt. We spent the whole day texting each other, and around eight at night he asked if I wanted to catch a movie with him. Well, being the cautious young lady that I am, I suggested that he come to Butterfield instead, seeing as I hadn't even met him yet.

So we had our little make shift date. It was fairly awkward; the conversation was small talky. Plus it got to be after midnight and since I had the room to myself, for once, I was eager to go to bed. Anyways after a somewhat uncomfortable hug goodbye he left and told me to text him.

When he left I was not feeling much of anything towards him, however this morning I was considering him more and more. I ended up texting him, thanking him for coming over. As the day progressed I thought on him a lot and in the evening he contacted me again, asking if I wanted to get lunch. I agreed, and tomorrow we are having lunch at Franklin. I am excited and nervous... but mostly nervous because I really want for him to be a good match for me. Hopefully he'll open up a little bit and our second encounter will be a little less rocky.

So that's what's exciting in my life :-)

Swim On

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it it stupid."

Albert Einstein

My Biggest Fear

I started writing this blog as a way to work out some of my own identity issues. Who am I, what's my purpose, why am I here, when will I reach my goals?

A lot of people spend time over-analyzing and fearing death. It's a huge, imposing, scary topic that really affects people. It's not something that I dwell on; I have accepted death as something I have no control over and I do not fear it.

What I do fear is loneliness. I am terrified that I will never meet that special person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I know that I have the ability to be a great wife and mother, and I'm eager to get started. But what if I never meet my partner? Or what if I don't meet him until later in life? These questions loom over my head, like a storm cloud following me wherever I go.

My parents tell me that I just have to be patient. But we live in a world where people choose hooking up over dating and I don't fit in. I want love and romance, and most of all happiness. I am content with my life, but I'm not happy. I only say this because I know what it's like to fall asleep with a smile on your face just because you are ecstatic to be who you are with a person you love and looking into a future that holds so many open doors. And I know what it's like to have those doors closed.

I am tough. I will get through this, but that doesn't mean I'm not human. I have my doubts just like anyone else. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid that this void in the pit of my stomach where butterflies and smiles should reside will never be filled.

One day, soon I hope, I want to find someone who eliminates my worries.
The problem is that he'll never come if I'm looking for him.
So I should probably just...

.....Let go

Wise Words on Love

Home

Sitting on my own bed,
I can't help but smile!

So glad I'll get to be with Laura tonight, and then be with my family all week!

My Life is Average

I am so glad that it's almost the weekend. This week has been very long; it was the kind of week where you have to push yourself to get to every class and do every assignment.

Only four more classes between today and tomorrow and then I'll be free!

I woke up early this morning and did homework, then I had breakfast with Jessie, Curtis and Hoang. Meals like that always make me happy because it's so nice to eat with my "family". Then I sat through Phonetics which wasn't terrible.

Today's the day that I get my job and Franklin Dining Hall back. I am not looking forward to this mundane and uncomfortable work, but I do need to replenish y bank account, and I have a lot of pressure to work from the parental units.

Tomorrow I will find out if I was chosen to be an RA and where I will be placed. I really want this job, but I also really want this job in an appealing building. As we speak there is a meeting taking place where my fate is being decided. If I am not chosen I have a very appealing option B. I would get to room with Jessie which would make both of us very happy.

This weekend is going to be full of shenanigans. Tomorrow night Jessie and I have discussed the possibility of going to a Frat; all we know for certain is that we want to go out. Saturday there is a possibility that Phill may be coming up to visit Hoang and I. I am looking forward to letting him get to know everyone, and I hope they all like each other. Finger's crossed.

Anyways that is the long spiel about my boring life. I can't wait for tomorrow!

Literary Humor

Doctor: Well sir, I got the test results back... you have Onomatopoeia
Patient: What's Onomatopoeia?
Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.