My Biggest Fear

I started writing this blog as a way to work out some of my own identity issues. Who am I, what's my purpose, why am I here, when will I reach my goals?

A lot of people spend time over-analyzing and fearing death. It's a huge, imposing, scary topic that really affects people. It's not something that I dwell on; I have accepted death as something I have no control over and I do not fear it.

What I do fear is loneliness. I am terrified that I will never meet that special person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I know that I have the ability to be a great wife and mother, and I'm eager to get started. But what if I never meet my partner? Or what if I don't meet him until later in life? These questions loom over my head, like a storm cloud following me wherever I go.

My parents tell me that I just have to be patient. But we live in a world where people choose hooking up over dating and I don't fit in. I want love and romance, and most of all happiness. I am content with my life, but I'm not happy. I only say this because I know what it's like to fall asleep with a smile on your face just because you are ecstatic to be who you are with a person you love and looking into a future that holds so many open doors. And I know what it's like to have those doors closed.

I am tough. I will get through this, but that doesn't mean I'm not human. I have my doubts just like anyone else. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid that this void in the pit of my stomach where butterflies and smiles should reside will never be filled.

One day, soon I hope, I want to find someone who eliminates my worries.
The problem is that he'll never come if I'm looking for him.
So I should probably just...

.....Let go