Accepted, Denied, Deferred

I suppose it comes as a surprise to me in that a few short days I will know the true result of the painstaking effort I have managed these past couple years in order to read the language on the screen. The very writing on the wall will hold the answer to my future. Will it be what I want and plan for, or a curve in my path, a stumbling block that will flicker my lights and have me rethinking my destination?

There have been many milestones on my journey to Friday at 6pm.

The day that my mother told me that I could never go to a school like Smith and that I would end up shuffled with the crowd at some state school or worse a community college. This was of course because of my grades and frankly my lack of effort. As a young 15 year old girl I was much more interested in my new boy friend than the dreaded "C" word. I tried my very best to keep college at the back of my mind, if present at all.

There is of course my first report card Sophomore year, where I realized that perhaps I do have potential. I was looking at a piece of paper that was void of C's and D's. Instead there were letters that could make my parents proud, and make me rethink my future.

Fast forward to the day where my guidance counselor told me NOT to get my hopes up for National Honors Society. When I caught a glimpse of the disappointment on my father's face,my emotions were a tumultuous mess. I was an embarrassment to the family.

Then in a surprising turn of events I was qualified for NHS and I even got in- based on all of the extra-curricular effort I had put in during my years as a high-school student so far. This was the true measure that I had developed myself into a woman who was capable of meeting the standard held at Smith College.

Shortly after my induction I met a young woman who changed my life. She was intelligent and beautiful and talented and at first glance I will admit that I hated the thought of her. She would most certainly enter my world and slowly take away everything that I'd worked toward. But, in fact, the opposite happened. Her presence made me want to challenge myself beyond what I thought possible, and more than that I was able to gain a best friend. A young woman who I will cherish for the rest of my human life.

Then came the time when I had to pick out what colleges I would apply to. Looking at my criteria and the schools I could choose, Smith was the only option that made sense. In fact it is the only school I have applied to. To finally realize that I had a shot at making my dreams come true was one of the most striking experiences I've encountered.


Today I wait. Tomorrow I will wait (though hopefully in the snow). And Thursday I will wait. Friday I will have to wear my watch so that I may keep an eye on the time. And on that blessed hour, six o'clock, I will open my browser and type the passwords that hold the answers to my future, so distant, and yet at the same time so close as well.

The only question is:

What will it say?